Ok, yeah so seriously, I wouldn't recommend that you read this if u know what's good for you because this is probably just me with my teen angst just letting some anger out so don't read this. SERIOUSLY! I know I'm probably angry for really stupid reasons! I'm 13! These things happen and I just need to let my anger out so I can go on with the remainder of my day

Ok, so I guess this kind of started with this morning when my dad came in my room, and woke me up and 7:20 forcing me to have breakfast. Well, usually at 7:20 in the morning I have all my morning routines done (exclude eating breakfast) and I'm tired so i want to either go back to bed or listen to my ipod. So that would give me an hour of free time before I have to catch a bus to school. Now, I usually avoid breakfast because I think that it's a waste of my time because I'm an idiot xD But of course my dad forces me to eat breakfast and tell me "it will give you energy to start the day" which is bullcrap because I've tested to see if it does anything for my energy and it doesn't. Not that I really need the energy because I don't do anything because of my stupid knee problem I can't maneuver myself very well. But what ever, it's not a big deal, I was only mad about it because I was tired and I wanted more time to sleep. But seriously, I'm never hungry in the morning anyways since I haven't eaten breakfast for so long and now my dad totally messed that up XD

Anyways, next subject is school, well, recess (I'm still in elementary school people, I'm a freshman next year)
Sorry, your probably going to hate me for this, and feel free to slap me at school when u get the chance to read this but this is something I REALLY need to get off my chest because it's been bugging me the whole day. So, during recess, my friends and I like to play volleyball with a couple of boys in our age group. Like I said earlier, I can't maneuver myself very well, which means I can't jump at a moment's notice (because, I'm just not used to it anymore) and i also can't move back, or to the side very quickly. But I feel sometimes as if I'm the only one whoever does anything on our team! And I'm the ONLY ONE who gets yelled at if I miss! Look, I can't help it if I have bad depth perception, or I can't move that fast, but my teammates yell at me for this stuff ALL THE TIME! even though they hardly ever hit the ball and it's always me whos going for it, and then I get yelled at if i miss. And if your right behind me and I miss, don't start yelling at me, BACK ME UP! Don't just stand there! They also tell me to "MOVE!" whenever I miss a ball that was too far to the side, even though I can't move that way very well. Now, I'd understand if it was just like, a random teammate who i hardly ever talk to, but YOU GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS! You should know well enough that I CAN'T MOVE THAT WELL! Just because I had surgery on ONE OF MY TWO BAD LEGS doesn't automatically make me the worlds best stunt person ok? And don't say that i should have told you because with stuff like this I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU! Then they get mad at me for yelling at them when they don't do anything, but it seems perfectly fine for them to yell at me, ordering me to do thing THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE IN MY STATE! I'm still going to physio therapy guys, and I'm going FOR A REASON! Just because I can run in a straight line now, doesn't mean I'm fully healed! YOU HAVE TO BACK ME UP! or better yet DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING WOULD BE FINE! Thank god the boys on the other team had some brains in them when they sent in a member of there team to help me out, and he actually backed me up! I may not be the best hitter but I'm trying! Why does this have to be so serious anyways? it's just a game! we're supposed to be having FUN! Now, I may be coming off as a bit of a hypocrite (or a douche bag ) but the only reason why I'm taking this so seriously is because my friends were the ones who started yelling at me for "not hitting it right" or saying stuff like "You could have got that!" even though it was out of my reach and don't tell me to move! You should know by now that I CAN'T MOVE OR JUMP AT A MOMENTS NOTICE! I'm really sorry about this, I'm just really tired and mad right now and I need to let my anger out some how, though i kind of feel like I'm taking everything out on my friends a little too much.

Next thing. in class (sorry, AGAIN about my friends) they were messing around during art class which is my favorite subject and trying to make me laugh while I was trying to get my work done. -.- I'm beginning to question some of the people I hang out with. But than again, there the best i got since everyone else in the 8th and 7th grade pretty much hate me. At least my friends are tolerant. Though I still have no idea what I did wrong. maybe it's just something about my appearance, since I consider my self to be a pretty sensible person in most cases. I don't yell and scream at people who have different opinions than me like most 12 and 13 year olds, me and my friends already have plans to ditch one person in out group, it's only a matter of time before they kick me out as well. kind of sad how I have such little trust in most of my friends, I think i only have 2 people in my group that i actually trust, which are and but, I feel as if I'm starting to move away from even them So I have no idea what I should do, I think I might need counseling or something. Because I've been fighting tears for the past 4 days now, and I've been tired and angry, I know I was way too hyper and happy from grades 2 till 6. and I've pretty much suppressed those memories now. so i can only remember the past 2 years of my life vividly. Though I'm trying to work hard on forgetting last year a lot as well. truth is, I have no idea what to do. My parents don't care, my friends seem to not even notice the kind of trauma I've been going through. I've tried to just smile and shake off all the bad things that have happened to me, I really have. but things just seem to get worse when I do that. they only seem to look better when I'm as pessimistic as possible. I've even started blaming God for all of my troubles since I'm so frustrated. I can't stand who i am. i want to go back to being blind, when I didn't care what other people thought of me, when I could be as annoying as i wanted and I wouldn't care, when I could talk as loudly as I pleased and wouldn't listen to people who told me to shut up. But I feel like those days are gone. fact is I HAVE to care what other people think about me. I can see what I am. I'm not unconscious of the way I look. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore without wanting to just cry. And anyone who has seen my deviant ID will know that I'm nothing short of just down right hideous, even with that special glow effect and the dark in the back, you can still see my face. and that's all that matters. I'm probably going to delete this entry later, like I said, this is just me in my teen angst, hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow

But i seriously want to quickly recognize and
I you guys, and you have never turned your backs on me, even when i was being a total jerk. You are my only true friends. even when I was being totally obnoxious. and Michelle, I DON'T HATE YOU! even if i yell at your during volleyball I still you! Ashley, thanks for being my best friend for these past 7 years we've been friends, even when u moved away, we still stayed in touch and we still see each other every other weekend! i trust and love both of you, and you'll always back me up, even if you don't in volleyball xD